It’s no secret that I’m NOT a morning person. I often try to refrain from personal contact until I’ve had some hot tea in my system and I’m no longer in zombie mode. I’m very reserved, quiet and serious. I usually warm up around 11:30 heading into the afternoon hour and I’m more pleasant to be around. My personality is very “matter of fact” as one of my co-workers has told me. One day we had a meeting and had to go around the room introducing ourselves with a few things about us and the same co-worker that says I’m matter of fact said… “That explains a lot!” after I spoke. Ha! I think I just need to wear graphic tees that explain my personality 24/7!
I’ve even had people complain about my lack of a bubbling personality and smiling. I guess I come off as angry and somewhat intimidating which makes people uncomfortable. That’s seriously their personal problem. However they’ve got me all wrong! STOP judging me before you open your mouth to speak to me or get to know me. People that actually know me appreciate my honesty, loyalty and personality. Full Disclosure: I do wear my emotions on my sleeve but, if something is truly wrong I am very vocal about it. The only issue I have in the verbal communication department is that I need to take a moment and re-phrase certain things before I say them because my being “blunt” isn’t for everybody.
Here are some of the struggles with having Resting Bitch Face… AND in case you don’t know what RBF is, I’ve got you covered. Resting Bitch Face, also known as RBF or bitchy resting face, is a term for a facial expression (or lack thereof) which unintentionally appears angry, annoyed or irritated.*Sourced from Wikipedia
1.) Some people can be very cold (temperature wise) and have a habit of crossing their arms all the time. It doesn’t mean they’re closed off or upset. They may be really just COLD and trying to stay as warm as they can by crossing their arms. Add that to a serious facial expression and its bad combination for some people to handle. Ask me how I know!
2.) Some people are very withdrawn from others but focused first thing in the morning. They may walk into their office or a meeting, go straight to their desk or seat and start working or wait for the meeting to start. The fact that they didn’t greet everyone or smile on the way to their desk or seat doesn’t mean they’re being rude. If someone speaks, I’m pretty sure they would respond. The office struggle…
3.) If you don’t smile a lot, it shouldn’t be an issue. I don’t smile a lot. I smile when there is a reason to smile. Please don’t expect a smile first thing in the morning. This doesn’t mean I’m angry all the time. I just have a serious facial expression. I can’t tell you how many times a day I get asked… “What’s wrong or are you okay?” I have the same answer 99.9% of the time… Yes, I’m fine! How are you?
4.) You never know what someone may be going through. I’ve been diagnosed hypothyroidism which causes me to be fatigued and lethargic a majority of the time. I am on medication to help manage this. I schedule nap times for myself so I can function efficiently. When I am tired, you will see me struggling to keep it together. My face is emotionless! I’m okay though… just trying to make it through the day!
5.) It can be exhausting to smile 24/7. The continued work struggle is being completely judged by your peers and them not taking the initiative to speak to you but, will take the time and complain to your superiors about your “lack of enthusiasm and team spirit in the workplace”. So you are subjected to webinars about “Non Verbal Communication – Quick Tips and Breaking Bad Communication Habits”
6.) Let’s put aside the fact that you are automatically judged on first impressions especially in professional networking settings. When you approach someone or you see someone is approaching you and you’ve made eye contact, at that point you smile and then relax your face and start your conversation. You can totally rock networking with a straight face. This may be why I like speed networking the best. The Networking Struggle…
7.) Conclusion: People that don’t smile all the time (men & women) aren’t always angry, bitter, annoyed or irritated individuals. Resting Bitch Face isn’t as bad as people make it out to be.
Honestly, a person that doesn’t smile often… Why should it be counted against them? Why is it such a bad thing? I know some may have to adjust in professional and social settings but, don’t compromise who you are. BE YOU! The Everyday Struggle…
This is so me. I’ve been hearing most of my life that I need to smile more, why am I angry! and even have had people randomly come up to me and tell me to smile. In which I do! I wear my emotions in my sleeve as well but for the most part, I just don’t smile every second in a day. It surely doesn’t mean that we are mean or upset. Thank you for your post and for you shedding light on this misconception!
Rakesha, you are very welcome! I just had to share. We do live in a very judgmental society but if people would just take an extra step before they assume… it would really shatter the misconception.
I had so many thoughts while reading this. Knowing you, I just know that you’re a nice person and I never thought anything from you not smiling. I’ve met so many people from Northern states who don’t smile often that over the years, I have learned to just not think anything of it when someone is not smiling. I do wish more people would take the time to consider that maybe nothing is wrong and that you don’t have to smile 24/7. Can you believe some people used to tell me I looked mean? LOL!
Ashley, I honestly can’t see anyone telling you that you look mean. Lol! It’s funny you mention people from up North. I didn’t even consider that when writing. I do have a New York state of mind. 😉
Great post-‘as a teacher I think about this a lot. Kids pick up on body language and make judgements- so important to look beyond.
I love this! I’m reading like this is my life! When I’m at work I’m in work mode. I’m quiet and observant. Until someone has a conversation with me they have no idea how much fun I am. I love RBF it’s saves me from a lot!
This is so me! Until someone has a conversation with me they have no idea how much fun I am. I love RBF! It saves me from a lot! How people feel about you says way more about them.
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Thank you Jennifer! Yes, kids do pick up on it. My son will ask me if I’m okay or why am I sad? I tell him not to worry, mommy is fine. So, when we meet it’s just my normal facial expression. Okay, Lol!
Jovanhanna, I totally agree with you. It says way more about them. I stand firm when I say it’s a personal problem. O_o
Glad to be on your good side. But this is a typical expression shown by most women. Good points made here.