You ever have an “AHA” moment?!?! I recently had the opportunity to hear Nicoa Dunne (Executive Energy & Happiness Coach) from Holland Archer, Inc. speak and I left with a need to reevaluate myself and how I respond to certain situations. Nicoa’s tag line is… “every action, every reaction, every interaction” I have a tendency to change moods within seconds and it can be based upon something that someone did or what someone said and NOT necessarily what they said but, how they said it to me! Nicoa was able to take us through our typical day to day experiences and point out situations that may occur and how we might respond to it without actually realizing what we are doing or saying. Nicoa showed us how we can take a better approach to the way we respond to situations within our careers and lives. Fun Fact: I curse A LOT, especially when I’m behind the wheel operating a vehicle! It’s horrible! I know half the time the other party can‘t hear me so why am I cussing like a sailor in the front seat of my car?!?! I actually don’t think I have road rage; I just don’t have a tolerance for stupid drivers! Ex: You cut me off without signaling, you slam on breaks in front of me, you don’t use your indicators when turning and you don’t know how to effectively merge! Just to name a few things that get me fired up! Lol! I’m actively working on this… I’m just saying! The running joke in the office is that I won’t offer to carpool for this reason. It does have some truth to it!
So, first Nicoa shared that we own our responses to situations AND it’s ALWAYS our choice! There are 7 levels of energy. (1) Victim – I hate myself; I lose/lost before I even started. It’s About Me! (2) Conflict – I hate you; you lose – blame and anger about others. It’s all about you! (3) Rationalizer – I forgive you, I win – I hope you win, but I’m going to win. It’s about me! (4) Caregiver – I feel for you, you win – I only win if you do. It’s all about you/others! (5) Opportunist – I understand you; we both win – working together. It’s about us! (6) Visionary – I am you, everyone else wins – all about the journey. We’re one! (7) Creator – I am, winning and losing are illusions – everything is flow. Nothing really happened! It’s really not them… It’s me! Ask ourselves… What level of energy am I “receiving” this information? What is my thought , my emotion, my initial reaction? Will this serve me? OR do I need to anchor my energy? What will work best with this person, situation? Is this aligned to my goals, strategy, and vision? I honestly in the midst of a situation I never really PAUSED (Took a DEEP breath!) and thought to break it down like this and ask myself these questions. Have you? I know this takes practice because it the middle of a disagreement you’re more on defense and not listening effectively. You are listening to respond and get your point across.
One quote spoke to me and it states… “It’s NOT what you say that matters most; it’s WHY you say it… and HOW you say it.” – Bruce D. Schneider (Founder, IPEC Coaching) I can think of situations that I could have handled differently, if I would have NOT reacted prematurely or taken something out of context. Nicoa also gave us some questions to ask ourselves. What am I making this mean? Am I assuming? What other interpretations are there? Is it that silly GREMLIN? (Gremlin = Your gremlin is highly personal. It is rooted deeply inside you and carries the most intense emotional charge of any of the blocks we’ve explored. Your gremlin thrives on fear. When you hear its whispers, your motivation to try withers. You dread failing, feeling pain, and being embarrassed. You can even be scared of succeeding if the gremlin convinces you that you’ll fail eventually. Sound familiar?) ** Taken from Holland Archer website** I have a gremlin that I wrestle with on a daily basis for different reasons. Nicoa shared choices. So, what do I want to do? Observe myself: I get to choose my response, even when I am experiencing someone else’s reaction. It takes practice so be easy on yourself! Decide on your intention EVERY time. YOU choose how you want to show up. Repeat, Reflect, Repeat, and Reflect!
How do you anchor your energy? (SOUL ) Stop – be mindful of your intentions, relax, take a deep breath, and be in the moment fully. Observe – what role you are in, what situation you are in? who else is engaged with you? Understanding – what matters most to you in this role, in this situation? What is your intention? Live/Lead – live the legacy you want to leave behind – by choosing the energy level that will best serve you. I was able to really understand where Nicoa was coming from and decided to start working on me to really try and make the right choice when responding to situations. I’ll also look at how I am receiving information as well and when I am speaking to others how what I am saying may be interpreted by them. I’m pretty blunt with minimal filter and whatever I am thinking just rolls off my tongue. I’ve always been like this, no sugar coating or buttering you up for anything… It is what it is! I do know that not everyone can deal with that and you may have to change the way you say something without changing the message you want to give. Ah… I’m a work in progress! Can you handle if someone speaks with you candid or do you need the “light” version?
Here is another quote that spoke to me: “The Optimist Sees the Rose and Not it’s Thorns; The Pessimist stares at the Thorns, oblivious to the Rose.” – Khalil Gibran
I thoroughly enjoyed Nicoa Dunne’s presentation and I am actively on a road to being a happier me! For more information about Nicoa Dunne and her Coaching Services you can visit the Holland Archer website. Stay connected on social media as well for all the latest updates!