I’m a firm believer that if you are sick you stay home and if your children are sick you keep them home from school. My son now eight years old was born with asthma, eczema and allergies (food & environmental). When he was a baby he seemed to pick up EVERYTHING and it got to the point that I pulled him out of daycare. I worked 1st shift and my husband worked 3rd shift and cared for him during the day. His immune system wasn’t that great and his resistance was low. The doctors kept telling us that he would grow out of it. I dreaded the day he would start school because I had already been through so much with him as a baby. There were many emergency room visits, children’s hospital admissions and countless pediatrician office visits. He was in an early childhood education program and got home schooled twice a week before starting preschool. You would think preschool would have gotten him ready for Kindergarten. Nope!
My child picked up every germ that landed in the classroom. He accumulated many absences “excused” of course and was in jeopardy of flunking kindergarten due to excessive absences. We got through Kindergarten and I thought first grade would be a better year. No. He got the flu twice, numerous colds with upper respiratory infections, tummy bugs, staph infections and all the other germs that kids pass around in school. Now in Kindergarten I took him to the doctor for EVERY little thing, even though the doctors knew he had underlying issues. I did it for the doctor’s note for school! I had been to Truancy Court and explained that my child has a chronic illness with acute symptoms and it causes him to be absent. I don’t send my child to school when he’s sick and miserable. I’m going to be the one to take care of him and nurse him back to good health. No, I don’t trust the school to keep my son comfortable and cater to his needs the way I would when he is ill. The school isn’t a pediatric hospital!
I don’t think the teacher is going to put her ear up to his chest to make sure he isn’t wheezing. Due to the public school system’s budget or lack thereof, there is not an on staff nurse daily. I don’t trust the school’s emergency care plan for my son. It’s just his Albuterol inhaler in the front office where a nurse isn’t even present on a daily basis. If it escalates they will call 911. I know when my son isn’t feeling well and I’m not going to have the school dictate what constitutes as “being sick enough to stay home!” At the end of Kindergarten his doctor wrote a blanket note that basically said… This child has XYZ please expect absences until we get this under control.” Now, in my mind that should have covered me for the year and I would stop wasting my time and the doctor’s time at doctor’s visits when we already knew the issue(s). My son had a better year (fewer absences) in first grade but, he still had absences when he was sick. I didn’t write a note for every absence. I can own up to that, it’s my responsibility to notify the school.
I also had two health issues of my own which caused absences. I sent in notes regarding those absences but we still ended up in truancy court. At this point I’m frustrated because now the school system and the Principle are trying to make me seem like an unfit parent that is doing a disservice to her child by keeping him home when he’s ill. I’ve had the Principal say that… “You are hurting your child; he needs to be in school. He’s missing important work and he’s getting behind” etc. I don’t think my kid would even be paying attention if I sent him to school ill. I’ve also had the school nurse of the day, tell me that she knows my child wasn’t sick all those times I kept him home from school, and then tried to compare her kids and situation to mine. No Ma’am! You are not going to compare yourself to me or my child. I’m NOT here for it. Don’t judge me unjustly! Parent how you would like to and don’t cookie cut my lifestyle and put me in a category of where you think I should fit in. How presumptuous to even have those words leave your mouth!
You should be glad that even though my child seems to pick up every little germ brought into his classroom that I would keep him away from the general population and try to stop it from affecting other people’s children. I also don’t want him getting ill any further. Maybe if you would have sent sick children home in the first place I wouldn’t be dealing with this. My life is tailored around my children. I am a Full Time working mom. When I was working in an office from 9-5 pm and my son got sick, I called out! I now work from home with a more flexible schedule and it allows me to still get my job done while caring for my son if he needs to be home. Having a son that was born with illnesses definitely can be a challenge and unfortunate but, I’m his mom and he’s my responsibility. I’m going to deal with it. My son was retained last year due to excessive absences caused by his illnesses along with times when I was ill and unable to take him to school.
I’ve been told by the principal that if it were up to her she would retain him again but, it’s against the law or policy to retain a child two years in a row. You know what… AND to add to all of this I really don’t give two hoots about standardized testing and bench marks. I’m so over the quotas that need to be met and kids just being taught to be able to pass their EOG’s. I’m two seconds away from home schooling my child, finding a home schooling co-op or small charter school. I understand that my child’s absences are affecting your average daily membership and on an annual basis that can affect the amount of funds DPS (Durham Public Schools) receives per student. However instead of focusing on my child in elementary school who is actually sick, administration can spend their time and effort on children who are cutting school and in jeopardy of not graduating instead of my child that has legitimate reasons for his absences. I have been to Truancy about 5 or 6 different times this school year.
I have complied with the best of my ability and event wrote notes for previous absences that I hadn’t in the past. My son has been to school when he is HEALTHY. That wasn’t enough for the principal so she petitioned me to appear in front of the judge for failing to comply with attendance rules. The fact that these administrators are so narrow minded, stereotypical and discriminatory make me sick. The fact that I have complied with all that was asked of me and it still wasn’t enough is making me think it’s personal. I have documentation from both our health care providers that explain our situations. Just to be clear… Failing to comply with school attendance rules, including excessive tardiness or early pick-ups, can result in a charge of contributing to the delinquency of a minor and neglect. It is a misdemeanor and punishable by up to 120 days in prison and a $500 fine. I truly believe the administration is abusing their authority to implement NC G.S. 115-378 North Carolina Compulsory Attendance Law.
The law clearly states what is excused vs. unexcused with sickness and injury being on the list of excused absences but they still choose to take this course of action. So, if you were in my position, what would you do? I know Truancy Laws differ by state. How are your Truancy Laws and do you send your child to school when they are ill?
I’ve been dealing with this since my son was little. He has asthma, had a low immune system and picked up everything, chronic ear infections, fevers etc. Thank goodness his immune system is working better now thanks to various supplements. That did not stop the school from putting me through the ringer. He was still in preschool when this was going on. I was also made to feel like an unfit parent. He was on a certain prescription at the time and no one in the house slept for a month. They gave us another chance after signing a letter that he would be present in school and I would provide a Dr’s note if ever absent. My questions to you would be can a Dr write another note explaining his medical condition? Does he have an asthma action plan? Can you get an iep for other health impaired? Do you have an advocate? I hope you have legal help to fight this. This is so unjust. Your child has a health problem and you are protecting him. It comes down to the dollar in these situations which is extremely ridiculous and loving parents should not be made out to be unfit. I also do not understand why a nurse is not available at all times but of course that comes down to the budget as well.
Wow you’re juggling a lot. Hugs for sure. I too am a mom with a child waith asthma. We a scare about a year and a half ago when a new virus was fierce in schools. The virus hit asthmatic kids really hard. My daughter was admitted for a weekend via the ER. I have say kudos to her pediatrician and ER doctors. Now she did miss 5 days of school with excused absences. One thing I realized early on is seeing and Allergy specialist to better control her asthma. He prescibed a daily regimen, rescue inhaler for wheezing and at time , Singulair once a day. After her ER visit, we are still on a new daily medication after seeing another pediatric allergy specialist and an antihistamine. We are very fortunate to have full-time nurse on staff in her school. However, in her previous school there were significant school district budget cuts which meant our Catholic school had a nurse onsite once a week. I thought this was absurd for kids who have severe health conditions. Slso the ER pediatrician told me kids never fully “outgrow” asthma the symptoms may lessen to some degree but it is still present. I can see in my teen although he does not require daily meds he does suffer from seasonal allergies. My only suggestion is to start with a specialist who can get his asthma under control and manageable. There are so many advances in terms of medicine in this area. I am a believer this starts with the daily meds. In terms of schools, I would determine the availability of health care professionals. Some things I do at home is to wash all sheets in hot water, cover mattress with an allergen cover and buy hypoallergenic pillows. Also I use a cool mist humidifier if needed and weekly cleaning of spacer and rinsing inhaler container. It takes a bit of work but worth it.
I honestly don’t understand the school on this one. All I can think of is that they believe that you’re lying. You’ll never win in this school. Homeschooling is an option but so is changing schools. I don’t know about Durham but wake allows for transfers to another school if you have a hardship. This is defiantly a hardship. Good luck to you.
Christina, Thank you for your comment. I guess it feels sort of comforting to know that I’m not the only one going through this. To answer your questions, the doctor has written a note on a few different occasions. The asthma action plan is his inhaler in the front office and call 911 if it escalates and then I would be notified. I’ll look into an IEP for health impaired. I didn’t even know that existed. I don’t have an advocate as you can see I resorted to spilling my soul on my blog because I’m at my whits end! I am going to look into legal representation if it comes to that. I’ve been dealing with this since birth, it’s not something that happened overnight. Its’ also more than the asthma, he picks up every germ he’s exposed to. What supplements do you think will help build his immune system?
Ugh. Stressed for you just reading this. A battle you shouldn’t even be having. It seems like there should be a way the school would work WITH you and not against you in helping him get his education while keeping out of the classroom when sick. As a parent doing the right thing for your child’s health and his classmates (not sharing germs with them), you shouldn’t have to be defending yourself. But since you have no choice, I would agree with looking into legal representation and possible IEP. I’d also keep documentation of every incident (notes about his health as well as copies of every note sent to the school from either you or the pediatrician) so you have evidence to help your case.
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AJ, I wish I had an on staff nurse daily. I requested a referral to an allergy specialist and the pediatrician just kept putting it off because of his age and said that he would grow out of it. We are on Q Var as a preventative, Albuterol when needed, Zyrtec during the Spring. Pataday for his eye blisters he gets during the Spring from rubbing his eyes. We tried Singulair before in addition to the Zyrtec and I may revisit that option again. I do have hypoallergenic sheet sets for him and I do laundry mid-week and on Saturdays. I’ll look into hypoallergenic mattress cover and pillows. I need his immune system to build and combat non asthma related issues. Thank you!
Allison, Thank you! Even if I change schools they still have the same Truancy Laws and it’s the same School System. I can’t see how I’m lying with doctors notes, hospital ER paperwork and oh… my bills! I think I’ll investigate my co-op home schooling options since I do work from home FT. At this point I would only consider private or Charter Schools. Mainly for the smaller class setting and the non-traditional way they teach students. I’ll still look into a potential transfer because he can’t stay where he is next year.
Thank you Sarah! I wish the situation was different but, this is what I am dealing with. I do have all necessary documents saved and even notified the pediatrician of what’s going on. He said that he sees this sort of thing all the time. How sad! Outside of getting my sons class work missed and homework to do it with him while absent. I do wish there was something in place for this sort of situation.
Wow I too have 2 kids with asthma. I had to leave my job to take care of my oldest cause she couldn’t be in daycare anymore
Its irritating to read that the school isn’t backing you. Every job I have had I’ve had to leave to care for them. We need the laws to protect good parents from the system in place to get the bad ones
This is crazy! My kindergarten son has missed over 30 days is school this year. He has a heart defect, had pneumonia and has feeding tube. All of his absences are excused. Does your child have a 504 plan?
Jen, I have been where you are right now. I was basically ambushed by social workers one day in what I thought was a meeting with the guidance counselor to see how my youngest could get through school with her seizures. I was appalled that they chose to single her out when I know there are more kids that parents take out of school just for multiple trips to Disney. I feel for you, my friend. If you do go to court, have your doctor attend the hearing and also I know with the Wayne County System that they have to offer some kind of services to your son if he is unable to attend because of health reasons. You might want to check out that out. And also I would strongly suggest you get a 504 or IEP for your son if you don’t have one in place. Message me if you need some advice. Love you, my friend.
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I applaud you for being a great parent and not backing down. Continue to stand your ground and care for your child. We can probably all agree that most public schools aren’t the “best” option for educating our kids so I think you are on the right path- considering charter schools and home schooling options. Stay in the fight!
Toi, yes we do need laws to protect good parents!
Renee, Oh my goodness! I hope all is well. What is a 504 plan? I need to research that.
Melissa, Thank you. I have never been offered anything only suggestions that I need to implement. I was wondering if there were services available for specific issues. I need to research a 504, I’m not familiar with what that is. I’ll definitely be messaging you. Love you back friend. I’m so glad we met! 🙂
Kineski, thank you for your words of encouragement. I appreciate it!
I was going to suggest a 504 plan as well. It’s sort of like an IEP but kids qualify for it for different reasons, often OHI (other health impaired) and it sets up a plan to help your child. Because it’s absolutely ridiculous that you’re having to deal with this truancy issue.
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Oh my goodness Jen! I can’t imagine how frustrating this is for you and your family. It’s sad they choose to focus on this when your son is clearly ill. I can understand if the absences were just plain negligent. I agree sick children should not be in school were they can impact the health of others. I pray that this gets resolved and for your son to remain in good health.